Kicking and Screaming to Enlightenment

Kicking and Screaming to Enlightenment, A Journey to the Real Self

Available for purchase as an Ebook at and other online bookstores. For a paperback copy, contact Mary at 808.651.2045 or [email protected]

We are living in extraordinary times in which we are experiencing a global shift in consciousness that is affecting how we feel, how we think, and how we are experiencing time. This Shift results in viewing reality from another perspective, a perspective that sees the bigger picture, the Unity in all things, and recognizes the God Self within. In this book, Mary Bell, spiritual healer, teacher, author and channel, bridges new age and traditional spiritual philosophy as she gives you a map and a conceptual explanation of what you may be experiencing and new tools to integrate the changes that are occuring. As a true pioneer, she shares her own personal journey as she went through the process of integrating this shift, in hopes of making your journey an easier one. Contained within the writing is a transmission of healing energy, which you will receive by reading the book, and a textbook for healers with an introduction to working from Unity Consciousness.

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In 1988, the year after the Harmonic Convergence , I began a course of study in spiritual healing that changed my life. Before that, I felt dissatisfied with my career as a registered nurse and constantly searched to find my niche, which in the 1970s and ‘80s was Obstetrical Nursing. I enjoyed the excitement of the delivery room, being present to welcome in new life. I also enjoyed caring for new mothers after delivery, when they needed to be supported and cared for themselves, so that they would in turn have the energy to care for their babies. Since I had successfully breastfed my own children, I became an advocate for mothers who also wished to breastfeed. These were very satisfying professional years for me.

Still longing for something that seemed missing in my life, I returned to school when I turned thirty-five, and earned my bachelors degree in Psychology. Shortly afterward, I was introduced to a form of psychotherapy called Bioenergetic Analysis, which I participated in personally for many years. Although very helpful to me, I never felt that I would be a Bioenergetic therapist. However, this experience prepared me foundationally for what came next for me: the study of spiritual healing.

In 1988, I attended an introductory workshop in hands-on healing with Barbara Brennan. This was the work that I had been searching for. Finally, I felt like I was home! My preparation and experience as a nurse, my experience as a wife and mother, my study of psychology and experiences in therapy as I healed my own wounds from childhood, all had prepared me to be the type of healer I would become.Healing the lack of connection in my own life prepared me to be able to make a strong connection with my clients and to help people who had the same type of wounding that I had had. My experiences as an OB nurse and the work I had done in Bioenergetics, gave me tools that continued to develop as I studied other areas of spiritual healing. When I read Sandra Ingerman’s book on Soul Retrieval , I began to be taught on the inner planes and before long, my clients began to experience soul retrieval in their sessions, not exactly as Sandra does them, but as I was being taught. Awakening Your Light Body skills, as taught by Sanaya Roman and Dwayne Packer, gave me another dimension of reality through which to work, along with many new healing tools. Each time I learned a new skill, it would then be adapted and integrated into my own style of healing. I found, as many are finding, that I had ancient wisdom to share from previous experiences as a healer in other lifetimes.

In 1995, after teaching for Healing Touch and the American Holistic Nurses for three years, I was directed to develop my own school and to call it “The Nirvana School of Enlightenment.” In the following pages, I will describe the work that has come through the school, as well as my personal experiences, as I experienced the shift of consciousness that either you are also going through, or that you will go through at this most momentous time in history. You will find a transmissionof healing energy in the writing, as well as information to help you to align and to integrate Unity Consciousness. Interlaced in the writing is a textbook for healers, which describes the nuances of healing from the unitive state, as well as fundamental things that healers need to know about ethics in private practice. I also describe the lessons we have learned from the misuse of power that occurred in Atlantis, and how it is playing out again in our current reality.

Originally, I thought that this book would be a textbook, which would describe the work that I had developed and the information that I had channeled through the school, during the years 1995–1998. But when it was time to begin writing the book, I went through a profound period of change, during which it was very difficult for me to write. I wondered if the time had passed when this information would be useful and if the book was to be written at all. Then finally, the words began to flow, but not in the way I had expected them to. Rather than being a textbook, the writing described the process I was going through personally, as this change occurred within me, so that it could help many people who were going through the same process. The “textbook” was interlaced with the description of my personal experience. Writing it this way could reach many people, not only healers but also others who needed to understand the process they are going through and the shift in consciousness that is going on.

As I began writing, I felt reluctant to share so much of my own life. But as the writing continued, I could see the benefit of sharing my personal experiences.I came to realize that many people were going through the process that I was going through, or would be, and that by sharing my experiences, I would help people heal in a different way. For the book would carry a transmission of healing energy that readers would receive by reading it. This transmission would reach many people who might never come to one of my classes, or receive a personal session from me. This was in fact, the next step for me as a healer in my service to humanity. Publishing the book would set up a grid between those going through this process. As people read the book and received the transmission within it, it will be like turning on the lights on a Christmas tree as they found the words that described what they were experiencing.

Because I felt so attached to my identity as a healer and a teacher in the form that it had taken for ten years, it was difficult for me to accept this new assignment. And because the direction didn’t come down like a lightning bolt, but unfolded gradually, it took time to understand the guidance and to grow into this new role. During this time, I went through what is commonly called the “dark night of the soul.” As I went on to write the book, I decided to call it Kicking and Screaming to Enlightenment, because I felt that was exactly the process that I had gone through as I struggled to surrender to the process I was experiencing. I am grateful to all the people who helped me during this process and those who did not, because they helped me to experience the pain that I was holding, and to turn back into my Self for answers, which of course is the ultimate healing.

We are going through a shift in consciousness. I taught about it for many years. Then I was taken through it, so that I could help others move through it more easily and gracefully. This is the task of any pioneer: to walk through uncharted territory, find your way, and then describe the path to others, because you have been there. I hope that reading this book serves that purpose for you, making it easier for you to find your way through this shift in consciousness that moves your perception from ego to Real Self.

All content from Kicking and Screaming to Enlightenment is copyright protected. You may not copy without express permission. All rights reserved.


Preface . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .xi

Part 1: My Saga to Unity Introduction . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3

1. The First Healer . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7

2. A Transitional Time . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9

3. The Introductory Seminar . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 13

4. The Lower-Astral Plane . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 17

5. What’s in a Name? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 19

6. The Nirvana School of Enlightenment . . . . . . . . . . . . 25

7. The Reevaluation Process . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 39

8. Disillusionment . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 51

9. What Is a Dark Night of the Soul? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 57

10. Rebirth: Healing Self-Judgment and Self-Hate . . . . . . 61

Part 2: Unity Consciousness Managing Leaps in Consciousness . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 69

11. Moving into Unity Consciousness . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 77

12. Thought-Forms . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 81

13. The Real Self-God Realization . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 85

14. Ego Death or Ego Transcendence? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 91

15. Transcend and Include . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 97

Part 3: Especially for the Healer What Is Spiritual Healing? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 105

16. Healing Work . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 107

17. Alignment Skills . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 111

18. Channeling . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 115

19. Simplicity in Healing: Healing from Unity . . . . . . . . . 119

20. Principles in Healing Practice . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 133

21. Finding the Root . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 139

22. Releasing Lower-Astral Energies . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 141

23. Interdimensional Energy That Masquerades as Light—The Anti-Christ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 149

24. Implants . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 155

25. Spells and Such: The Conscious Use of Negative Intent . . 159

26. Hormone Changes in the Transformational Process . . . . 163

27. Healing DNA Patterns . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 167

Part 4: Healing Victim Consciousness in Modern Times—Lessons from Atlantis We Are the Ones We Have Been Waiting For . . . . . . . . 173

28. The Right Use of Power . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 177

29. The Illuminati . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 185

30. Enlightenment and the Mayan Calendar . . . . . . . . . . 193


We are living in extraordinary times. Many of us came into this lifetime longing to experience enlightenment, but few of us knew, at least consciously, the true meaning of enlightenment or the process that would be involved. If we had, we probably would have “run the other way.” But luckily, we didn’t know, and so we keep on going until we reach the most difficult part of the path and then, with much help and grace, find our way through whatever issues are there for us until we experience a re-birth.

The beginning levels of the spiritual path are very exciting and exhilarating; the ending levels can be very difficult. No matter how we may prepare by reading or spiritual study, the experience itself can be somewhat of a shock, something that must be experienced to be understood. The perennial religions describe this process as the death of the ego; the New Age describes it as the Ascension of consciousness. Either way, the parts of us that no longer serve us, that resonate with the old paradigm, must fall away to make room for higher levels of consciousness. This includes deep patterns within our souls that may have followed us, unresolved, from incarnation to incarnation. Who wouldn’t want to be released from these deep patterns that cause us so much pain and suffering and become an enlightened being? Who wouldn’t want to cooperate with the process that leads you there?

It’s the ego that doesn’t want to! It is terrified of letting go and loosing control. The ego is who we think we are and it thinks it is in charge; the Real Self is who we really are. It is the Divine within us: the divine spark that individuated from the Whole. As we go through the process of becoming enlightened, our exclusive sense of identification with our individuated self temporarily falls away, while we “plug in higher” —¬ first to our soul and then to the Spirit level of creation. This can be a very frightening and difficult process if it is not understood.

Perennial philosophy calls it the death of the ego. But more aptly, what dies are the negative patterns within the ego: the faulty belief in who we think we are. We still have a functioning ego after we’ve gone through this process, but one that is consciously connected to our individuated soul and to non-dual Spirit for wisdom and for guidance. No longer do we live from who we think we are, but from who we know we are. This is the enlightenment process. But our egos resist, they “kick and scream”, because we think that’s who we are, and we don’t want to die. You won’t die; you’ll plug in higher and deeper to your Self. You’ll surrender to the Spirit within you, receive its guidance and live from that place.

So often, we hear of the bliss and the joy of the enlightened state, but rarely about the difficulty in getting to that level of consciousness.This is my story: a story that describes my experiences as I went through this process. I experienced despair, disconnection, separation and a loss of my sense of self. Then finally, I experienced re-birth, a new sense of Self, and moved into a new level of my life task. I write about it in hopes that you will find places that you resonate with, and explanations for what you might be experiencing. I believe this is what most, if not all people, will experience during this time of transition as we shift in consciousness from ego to Real Self.

In the following pages, I give you a map and a conceptual explanation of the process, in hopes that you may find your own process an easier one. You will also find an energy transmission interlaced in the writing and a textbook for healers, with an introduction to working from Unity Consciousness in healing work.

Through The Foundation for Unity Consciousness, I write and conduct online and in-person seminars, where you can have a direct experience of Unity Consciousness and begin to integrate it yourself, and utilize it in your work with others. I also see clients in private practice. If you would like more training in this work, I invite you to attend one of my seminars, in which I teach this work as it evolves on an ongoing basis, including new healing tools which are contained within Unity. See my website at for more information.

We are going through a global Shift in consciousness. That Shift results in viewing reality from another perspective, a perspective that sees the bigger picture and recognizes the God Self within. It is with great pleasure that I give you my contribution to this process, Kicking and Screaming to Enlightenment, A Journey to the Real Self.

All content from Kicking and Screaming to Enlightenment is copyright protected. You may not copy without express permission. All rights reserved.

Managing Leaps in Consiousness

Being consciousness is the state of being aware. There are many levels of consciousness as they exist within the universe. Each level has its own natural laws and operates from its unique place within the Whole. What you understand in a particular way from one level of consciousness might look entirely different from another perspective. To be conscious is to know what is going on around you and in you and to see it for what it is. To be spiritually conscious is to be aware of the Truth, the Reality, and to know the falseness of this state of existence, both internally and externally. It is to become liberated from the confines of the mind.

A shift of consciousness obviously occurs when we move from one level of experience to another. As we do that, we say “ah-ha, “I get it,” or “now I understand.” We can then describe our new insight from that level of reality. As we make this shift in consciousness, the structure that holds the previous level in place must fall away so the new structure can take its place. When this happens, we go through what could be called a death and re-birth experience. You probably have gone through this process many times so far in this lifetime.

When we entered the Galactic Underworld of the Mayan Calendar in 1999, a major shift in consciousness began that has been very palpable. It’s a shift in which time is speeding up, and we are processing many of our unconscious fears and emotions. Since September 11, many of us are aware that there is more than a usual shift in consciousness going on—maybe even a quantum leap! It has surprised even those of us who have been preparing for this shift for a long time. Astrology is helpful in explaining this phenomenon, as is Mayan, Egyptian, and Native American tradition.

We are indeed going through a huge shift in consciousness. We are moving from a state of self-consciousness to one of Unity consciousness. And we are going there whether we like it or not. What does this mean? It means the false structure of the third dimension is falling away as what is Real is taking its place. This is happening in our external world at the global level, as well as at a personal level within us. Why? Because the time during which we are to learn from the third-dimensional level is finished. It is time for the false structure of our world to dissolve both inside and out as our real nature takes its place. We are going through changes through which we are beginning to understand consciously that there is no separate self but only Unity in all things. The implications of this shift in consciousness are mind-boggling.

You see it happening in the outside world as the stock market falters, as businesses fail, and as layoffs occur. The same type of breakdown is occurring inside our bodies, as old form dissolves so that new form can take its place. These changes may result in symptoms that at first seem like physical or even mental illness, but they are not illness. These symptoms are signs that you are going through a metamorphosis; you are changing from one form to another. The old form that you have identified as yourself is dissolving as a new level of perception and understanding is taking its place.

This perception allows you, even requires you, to consider the good of the whole in making your decisions and in living your life. Through the perception of Unity Consciousness, you no longer experience yourself exclusively as a separate person, but as a part of a greater Whole. And from this perception, you are no longer able to ignore what is going on in the world as though it were separate from you, because it isn’t. However, you may also experience a number of disturbing symptoms while you are going through this process. It is important to know this because you may become frightened or not get the help that is available to you if you don’t understand what is really going on.

As the old form that you have identified as yourself is dissolving, you may experience the sense of a loss of self, which can be terrifying. A strong sense of self is certainly something that we all aspire to and that is greatly revered in our culture. If it is not achieved through the normal growth and development process, then it may be reached through psychotherapy, self-help, or other means of personal development. As you move into Unity Consciousness, as I am describing, this very same “self” dissolves and falls away. You may be depressed, feel disoriented, and experience lapses in time. You may have difficulty concentrating or remembering things. You may have crying spells for no apparent reason or find yourself revisiting issues you thought you had dealt with long ago. As your body cleanses, you may experience a variety of physical symptoms that are not only uncomfortable, but may mimic a disease process. Hormonal changes are common, but unexplainable. You may have menopausal symptoms before you could possibly be in menopause, or feel like you have PMS long after you are having periods. Diagnostic testing may be negative; it may even be positive, but there is no obvious explanation for what is causing the irregularity. You may wonder if you are losing it, or if you are developing a serious disease such as Alzheimer’s Disease or Multiple Sclerosis, or if you are going to die.

Well, during a shift in consciousness, that is exactly what is happening: a part of you is dying. It is the false structure within you, the negative ego that is dying. The good news is that right underneath what is falling away is something else; it is your Real Self. And it will emerge after you have dealt with all of your fears and have surrendered to this greater consciousness within you that is You. But in the process, the ego holds on because it thinks it is real and it doesn’t want to die. It will “fight to the death” to stay alive. But the truth is the ego doesn’t die; it transforms. It is only the negative part of the ego that falls away, who we think we are. The negative ego is the false structure that must transform by connecting into higher levels of consciousness. It must do so now, so that we can live from our Real Selves. To assist and to accelerate that process, there are some things that will help.

First, be reassured by knowing what really is happening and reframe your experience. You are not sick, you are transforming. You are not losing yourself; you are gaining more of yourself. Second, surrender to the process and get help in dealing with your symptoms from practitioners who also understand this process of transformation that is going on. You may need support on the physical level to release the toxins or the byproducts of catabolism that are building up with the breakdown of old form; this support might come in the form of herbs, minerals, vitamins, or “structured” water. You may need to change your diet or to take different supplements that support your new energy level. You may need to do healing work or psychotherapy to deal with the emotional or spiritual issues that have surfaced.

In my practice as a spiritual healer, I work energetically on many different levels to assist this process. As each change occurs universally, we must integrate it personally through the different levels of our energy fields or the process becomes difficult and we experience struggle or suffering. By working through Unity, all levels can heal simultaneously. Restructuring and releasing of cellular debris on the physical level can facilitate immediate relief and balance in the body as more room is made for your new form. Exaggerated emotional states can be released quite quickly and easily by finding the root and healing it across time. On the mental level, there may be thought forms that can be released and replaced with more positive thinking. As the older pattern of consciousness is replaced with the new, an element of ease and of peace comes into the process of transformation.

Some parts of this book were written during the years that I described the Reality from the level of consciousness that understands duality and the struggle between the opposites within it. The Ascended Masters, Angels, Archangels and Spirit Guides are an important part of this level of understanding and perception. Other parts were written from an understanding of Unity Consciousness, where everything is a part of the whole and is directed from the Oneness. This is because, as the author, I experienced each of these states as I was teaching the work. I think it is important to share these experiences because we are all in the process of making this transition from duality to Unity. Understanding the lessons learned from the old structure can be very helpful in embracing the new.

When the ego transforms, we connect with higher consciousness at the soul and the Spirit level and become enlightened! No longer do we live from who we think we are, but from who we know we are; this is the enlightenment process.

The Mayan Calendar says the entire world will have the opportunity to achieve the enlightened state by 2011-2012 if we are willing to be receptive to these energies that are propelling us to change and we integrate them. Are you willing?


Many people would maybe think of spiritual healing as a static phenomenon that in principle is timeless. Mary Bell’s excellent book on the topic however carries the insight that the nature of spiritual healing is subject to the different waves of consciousness that the Mayan calendar describes.Hence the aims and actual practice of healing undergoes change and Mary Bell sees that, especially at our current time of transformation, healers and their clients will benefit from working from the perspective of an emerging unity consciousness. Screaming and Kicking to Enlightenment breathes the authenticity of someone who talks from personal experience and opens up a significant discussion about how healers are to relate to the birthing of a new world based on this higher consciousness.

– Carl Johan Calleman, Ph.D. author of The Mayan Calendar (2001), The Mayan Calendar and the Transformation of Consciousness (2004) and The Purposeful Universe (2009)
Mary Bell is one of the most advanced Lightworkers devoted to the healing of this planet to date. Her first volume, Kicking and Screaming, provides an inside look at the journey to authenticity, and the subtle forces one encounters on that path. Part teaching, part narrative, this edition is one that every healer or metaphysician must have on their shelf.-Kelly Lydick, author of Mastering the Dream (2007)



2011 and 2012 have come and gone without the dramatic lift in consciousness we anticipated in the outer world. Or does it just look different than we thought it would? On the inner planes, we did indeed achieve the changes needed to move us forward into a new paradigm. In 2013, many experienced a kind of disorientation and lack of direction as a recalibration seemed to occur. And now in 2014, we have reached the beginning of a new paradigm. As such, a new level of perception is developing as our consciousness evolves. In the outer world, things look worse than ever as the old order struggles to stay in control. But we truly are moving forward as we learn to adjust to the new energies and build new structures both within ourselves and in our culture. There is a shift in the level of compassion that many are experiencing and expressing for the many people who are suffering. Attitudes are changing towards many social issues such as immigration and same sex marriage that just a few years ago were different. Many are experiencing a shift in their work and their living situations. A change in their life task is occurring and as such, old form is breaking down, as new form is being created just as I described in this book. Utilize the tools I describe here and keep the faith_ the new paradigm just looks different than we thought it would because we were trying to understand it from the perspective of the old paradigm. It takes time for changes on the inner planes to materialize on the outer level. Death and re-birth happen in a continuum. The saga continues.

Mary’s work this year is focusing on helping people release the past and integrate their new life’s tasks through personal sessions and Professional Training for Healers_Be on the Forefront of the New Paradigm! See for more information.

All content from Kicking and Screaming to Enlightenment is copyright protected. You may not copy without express permission. All rights reserved.